And now for something completely self-indulgent…
Thanks to a suggestion by my friend Raffi Darrow, I was invited to participate in the inaugural event of a new St. Petersburg nonprofit, Tampa Bay Plays. Founder and executive director Lora Hogan asked 25 non-playwrights in our community to each create an original, one-minute production.
This is mine. I hope you’ll enjoy it. I’m posting the script below in case you can’t make out a line.
A Play by Bob Andelman
Suggested by Mimi and Rachel Andelman
NARRATOR: Int.: A residential kitchen in Snell Isle. A spotlight reveals a woman wearing an apron and oven mitts. A smoke detector is beeping incessantly.
MOTHER: Oh, my God! The oven is on fire! Oh, my God! (Shouting) Rachel! Rachel!
NARRATOR: Int.: A teenager’s bedroom. The Dollyrots song “Because I’m Awesome” is playing loudly. A second spotlight reveals a 15-year-old girl, oblivious to her mother’s call, furiously texting and reading texts on her cellphone.
RACHEL: L-M-F-A-O, Gaetano!
RACHEL: What??? I’m busy, Mom!
MOTHER: Turn off the music and call 9-1-1!
RACHEL: What? Why?
MOTHER: Tell them the house is on fire! Hurry!
RACHEL: The house is on fire? Surrrrrrrrre, Mom, whatever you say. But aren’t you overreacting a little?
MOTHER: O-M-G, Rachel!
RACHEL: I’m in the middle of something here. Can’t you do it yourself?
MOTHER: The flames are spreading to the wall phone in the kitchen and I can’t find my iPhone. Please, Rachel! Call 9-1-1!
RACHEL: Oh, all right, already! (Rachel stops texting her friends and studies her phone for what seems like an eternity.)
MOTHER: Rachel! Have you called the fire department yet? Can’t you smell the smoke?
RACHEL: (Shouting.) I told you six times I would! … (To herself) Okay, let me see… (She starts texting again.) Pound 9-1-1… House… is… on… fire! No, stupid auto-spell, FIRE, not FOXY! 3000… Brightwaters… Boulevard… St. Petersburg! Please… hurry!
(Mother appears next to Rachel, anxious.)
MOTHER: We have to get out of the house now! What did they say? Is the fire department coming?
RACHEL: No answer yet – let me try again… (Pushing buttons on phone.) Pound 9-1-1… House… is… on… fire! No, stupid phone, HOUSE, not WHORES! 3000… Brightwaters… Boulevard… St. Petersburg! Please… hurry!… Still no answer, Mom. There has GOT to be a faster way!